Ways I Survive High Pain Days as a SAHM With Fibromyalgia
I love being a stay-at-home mom. The problem is, I get sick pretty frequently because of my Fibromyalgia. I’ve come up with some strategies over the past 5 years that help me a lot. When you have a really high pain day, sometimes you have to adapt parenting to make sure your kid is safe while you are in pain. These are things I do that have really helped me survive high pain days. It might read as a little unorthodox, but in general, my kids are happy and healthy so it’s okay by me.
Snack Drawer to survive high pain days
I started a snack drawer for my oldest almost as soon as he could crawl. If you’re a parent, you know that kids are always hungry. It’s really taxing on my body some days to get a snack every hour for the kids.
Obviously, I can’t just ignore my kids’ hunger, so I came up with a solution to make sure my kids have plenty of snacks while preserving my energy for things like playing or cleaning up the huge messes.
I picked a door in my house (it’s a huge two-shelf lazy Susan type of cabinet) and put a bunch of snacks that I am okay with them eating as much of as possible. They have access to the door 100% of the day (minus the hour before dinner really).
Whenever my kids say they need something to eat outside of mealtime, I let them go grab something out of the snack door. It works great, and it even lets my kids practice decisions because they can grab whatever they want. I stock it myself, so I know it’s all foods I don’t have problems with them eating too much of (like candy).
Quiet, Seperate Play when you need a break to manage high pain
Of the many symptoms that come with Fibromyalgia, I get a lot of head pain and can be very sensitive to light and sound. This is a pretty big issue with little kids because kids love to be loud and have fun.
When I need some quiet, I’ll tell my kiddos it’s “separate quiet playtime.” They know means to find a place by themselves with toys that do not make noise and play for a little while.
This works great for everyone in multiple ways. It benefits me because I’m able to get a few minutes of calm and pain relief. This makes me a better parent because high pain makes you much much more susceptible to being irritated and yelling, which I do not want to do. It’s a fact of life that I live in pain. That isn’t my kids’ fault, so I make it my responsibility to make sure I can still be a good parent when my pain is high.
The two older kids benefit from alone time because my oldest is an introvert and needs that time to recharge. If they’re together all day without any separation or breaks, they get into fights much more. The middle child is extremely social but needs to learn how to entertain himself on his own. This is good practice for him to make decisions and pretend play on his own, without the help of big brother.
Sensory Issue solutions as a survival tactic for high pain
I have a huge amount of things I keep next to my bed that helps with pain. Some of the items are more geared toward sensory sensitivities as well. When your pain is really great, it makes your brain tolerate even less sound or sight or smell than usual.
I have headphones that cancel some noise when I get too much input to my ears. The headphones don’t block out 100% of noise, so I can still hear my kids perfectly fine. They just lower the volume a little, and that helps me tremendously.
I also have a magnesium lotion that is perfect for sore muscles. It doesn’t take the pain away, but it really and truly takes the edge off. I was honestly surprised at how great it worked the first time I used it. There are multiple ways you can topically apply magnesium lotion, but the spray ones irritate my sensitive skin so I like to stick with the lotion.
If the light is an issue, I have eye masks that can help filter it out. This isn’t very possible when I need to have my eyes on the kids, so usually, I just have the lights off and blinds down to dull out as much light as I can until I get the ability to lay in my bed and truly block out light.
Take a few minutes to stretch
Gentle stretching is something that I try to stay on top of. A few minutes in the morning and evenings are enough to make a big difference in my muscle pain from day to day. I don’t mean doing any kind of strength-building yoga or anything. Just stretch your legs out a little for a few minutes and be very careful about how deep you stretch. For me, if it hurts at all it’s going to be too much and send me into a flare. I need to be able to feel a stretch, but it can’t be something I push really hard like a ballet dancer or gymnast is trained to.
When I feel some pain coming on, I try to take a few moments and stretch a little extra. This can make a difference somewhat quickly. Plus there are so many other benefits to stretching your body that it makes it worth it in the long run even if stretching doesn’t help in that particular moment.
Screen Time if you need to rest or nap
There are certain TV shows and movies that we don’t watch unless I need to survive a high pain day with the kids. Since they don’t see these shows that often it’s a pretty decent chance that they will sit and watch instead of getting bored and wanting to leave my room or get into something.
This allows us to all pile in my bed and watch TV so that I don’t have to move as much. They love their special shows and often run to grab something out of the snack door while we are cuddled up on the bed.
It’s not exactly my ideal way to spend the day mostly because I am in pain. However, I do really cherish the cuddles we get in on these days.
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Child Safe Areas to lay down and know your kids are okay
We have a playroom with everything child-safe inside of it. At our previous house, it was a bedroom where I could shut the door and then lay down in front of the door and try to rest. This was amazing because then I knew the kids were safe in the room, and I was able to get a little rest in.
At our current house, there is no door in our playroom so this is no longer an option. I have a camera installed in their playroom now so I can see them playing if I really need to lay down in bed. I can lay in my room where it’s a little quieter and darker without my eyes ever being off of them as they play. It’s really amazing what modern technology is capable of. This wouldn’t have been an option years ago.
Intentional Time to make up for any time you’ve had to rest alone
One of the worst things about Fibromyalgia is that I spend more time than I would like to alone and resting. It’s necessary for my body to recover and be as present as possible when I am out of bed. However, I can’t help but feel a lot of mom guilt on the days where I am mostly or 100% in bed.
Now that the older two kids are more aware of my sickness, they are able to hang out in bed with me and remain quiet and gentle. This is great because I get really bored in bed and I miss my kids, so I like being able to talk quietly or watch TV and cuddle.
Some days the pain is so high that I can’t even hold a conversation or be around anyone. When I have to be fully absent, I make sure to make up for it as best I can. I make sure that when I am not isolated, I am talking to my kids, cuddling with them, watching them play with things they are interested in, asking them questions, playing with them, reading books, etc.
Anything that I can do to show my kids that I am intentionally creating space in my time and day for them is incredibly important to me. I know that Fibromyalgia has taken a lot away from me. I refuse one of those to be my relationship with my kids.
Outside/Playgrounds when the kids have a lot of energy and you just can’t keep up
If you have enough energy to get the kids ready, go to a park. It’s so nice to let them play and scream as loud as they want while you can sit and watch. We have a really nice park less than 10 minutes from my house. It’s inclusive so there are ramps for wheelchairs, swings for disabled kids, and signs teaching some basic sign language. It’s also at the bottom of a really big hill and far away from a street, so I don’t have to worry so much if I take the kids by myself. Sometimes I get nervous that if they run off I won’t be able to catch them so this park gives me the peace of mind to take them independently.
If you have a backyard that’s always a great alternative as well. We have all the standard backyard bits and bobs such as bubbles, sidewalk chalk, a ball, you get the idea.
Kids can seriously play outside all day without getting bored. I have to remind them to drink water and eat because they have so much fun.
Heat/Ice
Muscle pain can be helped a lot with alternating heat and ice. It relaxes them, which can help with high pain because they aren’t as tense and tight.
I hate anything cold. In fact, sometimes it makes the pain way worse for me, so I opt for heat. I have a shoulder pad that’s reusable. I put it in the microwave and let it do its thing. It can really help to relax me neck and shoulders, which is usually the muscles that hurt the most on any given day.
Heating these muscles can buy me more time to survive high pain days, or last the day home alone with the kids until my husband gets home to help me.
Super Quick Meals to Survive High Pain Days
Feeding yourself is a hard task when you’re in a lot of pain. Feeding kids is a whole other war on your body. First of all, there’s horrible brain fog with Fibromyalgia. Imagine getting 2 hours of sleep a night for a week straight. Now try to function. That’s kind of what brain fog feels like. This makes it almost impossible to think clearly and make decisions.
Add on the massive pain all over your body plus a wide variety of more than 50+ other symptoms at any moment in time and maybe now you’re getting a closer picture to how hard it can be when I’m in a big flare-up. This makes quick and simple meals incredibly essential. I have a post on my staple pantry meal plan and also a recipe for extremely quick and easy chickpea wraps if you’re interested in reading more.
It’s important to already have a plan for food before the need to survive high pain days because you aren’t going to be very capable of figuring it out in the moment.
Just Call for Help to Survive High Pain Days
You’ve pulled out every trick in the book. Nothing is working and you just can’t manage your pain and make sure your kids are safe and well taken care of at the same time. It’s time to go ahead and call someone for help.
It’s taken me a long time to start to let go of the guilt I have in asking for help. I still struggle quite a bit sometimes. I wish my body could do what everyone elses’ does so that I didn’t get so sick so often, but this is my reality with a chronic illness. Sometimes I just have to ask someone to watch my kids to survive high pain days. Even if I have to call for help and lay in bed in pain all day, I still get to snag a participation trophy for surviving the day and making it to tomorrow. Not every day has to be perfect or productive.
Is there anything that you do that helps you to survive your high pain days with chronic illness? Let me know in the comments or come find me on social media. Let’s connect!